The startle fall…..
The goodness; austere with leaps and bounds of infinitum arrant beauty, Leela was all over my head. Nothing could show me the darkness just below the lit oil lamp. I was head over heels would be an understatement. All I had to say for the people jealous or not in love; that ‘Love is blind’ my friend told me looking at you I can assure you “Love is blind, deaf and seriously nuts” I didn’t like his statement; which was inappropriately explained to him. I should have been more subtle to explain him, my disagreement; even though I know now, that I was wrong then!
Prithvi who could not hear a single word against ‘Leela’; Prithvi a hedonistic by choice; Prithvi a bookworm but sadly not for course books; Prithvi to whom music was addiction, need, satisfaction, medicine; Prithvi in chaste love for Leela; Prithvi who wished that; the only thing to be written on epitaph was “In love with Leela for eternity”; Prithvi with a secret clique of friends; Prithvi known to world and world knows him. Prithvi that is me or rather that was me or worse that is what I think about me!
The virtual precinct marked in my own dreams, in my real world, in my life was all arom und Leela. I handed over my dreams, my life with absolute trust without a scintilla of doubt. I believed that love exists or it does not. So it did not have a start because I did not see an end. It was absolute for me just perfect. Nay to say tyranny that she was in my own built up world but later that I had ignored before; she was in the real world too. I and Leela discussing our present and future precinct built up world. For some reason; there was a reason I saw the call list on her mobile phone. 9:16pm call from Nitin! Scrolled still further down previous day dialled numbers to Nitin 9:35 pm!
In my mind I recalled Leela saying; please don’t call me after 9pm family issue and you know my parents don’t like it. I had only gladly and honestly followed her terms; even second thought was out of mind to challenge her conditions. Not believing my eyes I re read and it was right in front of my eyes. Nitin! I had believed her on this; that it would no resurface again. Ambivalence my feelings basically open heart with salt poured on it; with every smile she gave me. Blank I was, to ameliorate things when I asked, can I call her in the night later sometime? same dialog “my family does not like even touching the phone post 9 pm in the night”
I kept quiet rushed away as soon as I could, realising; trying to sulk in the feeling that I have been ditched. Sleep was oblivious for sure, next day we met again with a plan and increasing guilt conscious every minute. That I should at least clarify probably something that I missed; self denial that I lived in; I should not increase the communication gap. The truth was unleashed with macabre diatribe with every word I felt nemesis taking over me, each part of my body one by one was losing control and my felt spreading across as broken pieces. Nonchalance was her reaction which and cull was my feeling to the core. I wished I could reach the sky and live in Scheol (infernal region).
Obfuscate I stood in the crowd of focused peers. This was an erratum from the heavens above but it could not have been Leela. Self denial took over only for a few days and when the bright sunlight enlightened me after recovering my self conscious. No matter how flowery the things became and back to normal in a few days. Deep down I realised it was the startle of things; yes things; contrasting to what I felt as entrusted relationship between us to fall apart.