A tryst with myself
I: You and mean I and I right!
It has been a while we haven’t had much of discussion. How about we spend some time and settle couple of things that have been a reason of worry, now for some time.
I: Sure, I have all the time on this earth for you, just that your never paid attention to it. I don’t believe there has been a problem, however what you wanna talk about? Things you are not responsible for or the things you are responsible for?
Are you trying to blame me, cause you were busy screwing up the whole thing.
I: I agree to disagree, you knew it way before, but you did nothing about it.
I have been trying to… I don’t know what I was trying, alright you heard me say it, I did not know why was I working so hard for, now does it make it any better
I: no not particularly, specially knowing at the cost of what? were you stooping below to the heights, of satanic pleasures of others. Tell me, was it worth it to give away your self respect, your friends, near and dear ones, your favorite action movies, books, writing, yourself? Your traded your soul for what?
I did none of the above that you say
I: what is that you seek now then? If you haven’t?
Fair enough I gave it all away. Now what can do about it?
I: was it ever yours, or accumulated by the perception of the external world?
I think it was me, but obviously the world gave me a boost, who does not like appreciation. It is but natural thing to be happy about.
I: Why did you bestow the power of the world in a concentrated imited few then?
Because it felt right, then!
I: Then why second guess it now? Have you have been betrayed? You gave it all away. You know when you stopped watching your favorite movies, meeting your friends? Spending time with your loved ones, taking no time for yourself cause all you were busy was creating a sulking cyclonic twister of never ending consequences. You knew it when it was happening.
I believed you would have helped and made it better.
I: I did help you, I reminded you of who you are, it is ok to be yourself and not please everybody around you, at the cost of yourself.
I wanted to listen
I: I wanted to…, is that all you got say; you are the source of your own energy. You are the source of your actions and you face the consequences for your actions, so now the question is; not what has been done. The question is where you want to go?
I need my life back
I: the life is all yours, nobody is taking that away from you, atleast not now. Where do you wanna lead it too, what is the goal? What defines your life? Is the approval of others, appreciation from random people, or something much more…
My life should be inspiring for myself, wherein I stand in front and I know that I tried, I strived I succeeded and I failed, however only to do something much better and meaningful for myself and the people around me.
I: You defined yourself. Let every act be in line to enhance, help, support and enable you to reach your life goal. It does not matter if people are following you or you are following the people. It matters where are you headed, is that aligned with your life goals. Are you inspiring yourself enough to get up the next morning and the next morning.
There will be tough times, because tough people do last, tough times doesn’t but are you going to ready for it, are you going to grumble till then, you don’t? I tell you what, it is ok to lose confidence, it ok to fail in love, it is ok to get betrayed, it is ok to make mistakes. What is not ok is to give up. What is not ok is to believe that the faith of your life depends on everybody else but you. What is not ok, just because it did not work for you, it will never work.
Trust yourself, start afresh, forgive from your past, never forget the lessons, never forget who helped to understand that lesson, no matter how bitter. But learn to live again and again, till the time you don’t shine bright like a star.
Peace, love and harmony are the destination, however on the way you will have to achieve some milestones. Keep moving ahead and let time heal you inside out.