Rooftop, before I jumped!

Everyday morning, no matter how much I wanted to wake up sober and clear headed, every night I went to sleep only with doubts and self created assumptions about everything or probably nothing but animated creations stuck in my head. Which would find no relevance in heaven or hell, sad stories that only my head could prevail. It was just routine of getting wasted, bragging some stuff getting the applause for whatever intellectual creative bulls**t I talked. It is always fun, but it always ends. The end looked far away but some where I knew it would end, for I could not feel that it is real!

So I walked around looking at these infidels all around me. Feeling myself elevated and chattering the chatter which would find me friends and company (which I could not; care less) for some time. The nature of impermanence was inevitable, it was fun but deep I knew it all would fall apart and so would I.  Nothing that I could prove that made me superior, but interestingly I may suggest nothing that I could prove that made me inferior as well. Not that I wanted a ego boost but there was nothing to stop my ego boost! Days passed by, months came by, years flipped by for what?

Then one day I see you stand, nothing in my head, but nothing surely not bland. I looked across and I could see you, the bag in your hand which could have been kept aside. The bright orange coloured shirt which was surely a girls choice to my eyes. The hair left open as if is does not matter which direction the ends point. I saw your side face and could hardly take away my graze from you and your aura of life.

Life takes you down, not when you want it, it takes you down as and when life wants it, when life wants to teach you! You came strolling in my life. Got me thinking again for the night, has the end really come so early to me or I am too much wasted for the night. I knew denial is to end and living is to start, it will come as you, was nowhere to say as poles apart. The night was young, the intellect was intact but I could miss you even with your funny act. I started to speak but my mind started wondering for you, took a few glasses and everything went through. I had no clue that you are here to stay or else I would not have missed a moment to let you go away.

I saw you more, more I could feel this is love, the feeling isn’t right because I haven’t felt before. How wasted I could be in my own world of denial that I could not see you love more and more without denial. The curtains fell and stage was set well, I saw applause however it was me in the mirror and suddenly the living dream of denial broke through hell and I realised it was just me and the mirror all through. You came like a jolt of pleasure and pain; somewhere I knew I could not hold too. I love you and that sounded too sure, however I never realised that words were not needed anymore.

Here I stood aware of my existence, feeling that high which was real. The adrenaline rush was within I need no scotch and tobacco to pour in. I asked myself was this for real, I always believed in love but is this what they call it real. I understood that they are no one, but me with a perception! The perception of excellence, perfection, loyalty and beauty. I found out that these were still less to personify your qualities and you are much more than I could have thought. However how alive I am now, I know it is not by the breaths I take, but you; now I know you could only define love to me. You are real! You are here! You are love that I all wanted to prize as a human being!

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